Time. To. Heal..
When I look back over my life their were many instances that I had to say to myself, “JUTONE- It’s time to heal.” I know we’ve all been there. Been in places in our lives, where we’ve acknowledged that we could know longer stay in the state of mind we were currently in.
From broken relationships, broken promises, let downs, and disappointments. Whenever I get to a place of thinking I can’t possibly get any further in life, I’m reminded that the Lord is my strong tower. And I gather the courage along with God’s strength to move toward my healing.
Their was a moment in my life after having my third son, loosing my dear friends, and struggling with my identity of being a Stay at Home Mom that I contemplated ending my life. I thought to myself, what more do I have to give? What more can I sacrifice? I’ve never had a silver spoon in my mouth. I worked hard for EVERYTHING I have. Lord, why must I work so hard? Why am I still not happy and content? My days were spiraling out of control. I wasn’t living for myself. The only reason I opened my eyes in the morning was because of my kids. I couldn’t just live for my children, that wasn’t God’s purpose for my life. They were enough to keep me hanging on by a thread, but to have that kind of expectation placed upon my children was too much on them.
How many of us know, that when things are bad, they’re really bad? And just when we think things can’t get any worse, they do! The enemy was really after my life! He’s not just after happiness or our things of this world. He could care less. He’s after our life! The very air we breathe. No scripture, no amount of prayer was resonating with me. I felt hopeless. I felt beat up every day. The worst part was that I didn’t even have the desire to leave that downtrotten place. In those moments, I wanted to feel the pain, the sadness, the hurt. I had mustered up in my mind somehow, that I deserved to feel like that.
But God is a deliverer. Even when we think we’re not worthy. My husband looked at me, and said “JuTone, It’s time to heal.” What I felt like was my last time and my last bit of strength I had left, I cried with my whole heart unto the Lord. (Psalm 5:1) “Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry come to you!” And HE was faithful to bring me out.
I was in distress but only God could dry up the streams of my tears. It didn’t matter how much my husband tried to encourage me, my kids smiled at me, or my family tried to comfort me. I needed God. I had to have a made up mind that I wasn’t going back to that place of despair. (Is your mind made up?)
Now I know some will read this and think, “JuTone, It’s not that easy.” Well as cliche as it sounds, WHO promised us that our road would be easy? You know what we are promised in life? (Jeremiah 29:11) “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” God’s promises are so beautiful. Our natural families let us down, sometimes walk away when things get tough, but God? He never leaves us.
Time to Heal was birthed out of being in so many dark places with no thought or hope I’d ever recover or come out of it. But in every. moment. time and time. again. When I have a made up my mind, “ It’s Time to Heal” God has yet to fail me.
